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On repetition

I have caught myself a few times lately telling myself: why do I just read this e-mail I sent two days ago again? I remember quite well the content. Or: why am I saying this to her again, when I already told her this morning? Why am I thinking the same stuff again and again? Why do I hear this complaint over and over again from him?

When I observe the pattern of repetition in myself, I stop and for a while just think about the repetition issue in itself. And I am talking of the sort on unnecessary repetition like reading that mail again and again. Then I realize that most of the times I could use that energy to bring in a new thought, to be creative, to play an instrument, to read a book that is waiting for me on the shelf. When I observe it in others, I sometimes feel like: “couldn’t’ we just bring fresh stuff inhere? Isn’t there something deep in your hearth you want to tell me you didn’t do so far?”.

It’s a hard task, I find, not to fall into repetion again and again. On the other hand I know that repetition is important and even crucial in our lives: if you have a structure, say you repeat some gestures every day like playing the piano and repeating the same Bela Bartok piece to get better at it, it makes sense. And even without being a pianist, we can practice to repeat some things to get better at it, maybe washing the dishes, breathing deeper or headstand. Yet, even for those activities, we risk to do things with routine, unconcentrated, in a repetitive (not focused) way. What makes the difference? I guess, again, being more present of what we do, maybe knowing why we are doing it…

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