Why has this happened to me? It happens often that we get stuck somewhere and desperately look for answers, look for explanation in our mind. We feel that we have the right to find out or to know. And we think and think, and create stories. We do our own storytelling.
What if we let go of the explanation on why things are a certain way? You could insist on your right of being right, you could insist on your right to find an explanation, you could grasp to words, concepts or ideas. That would maybe bring you somewhere on the very short term, to have a satisfaction of a second making you feel good shortly.
A brief satisfaction like that is not much, everything that you tried to explain so hard is just one of the infinite realities possible. Our mind can work really hard to find many other possibilities. And in fact, in the mid or the long term, those explanations do not bring you much further. They actually put chains on to the freedom of your mind and your intuition. They are obstacles on how we feel.
What if we try to see things as they are now, without getting lost in explanations, things that concern our own history but also things that concern the history of other people, of situations and the worlds around us. If we see things as they are now, there is not much to explain, probably, there is more of being and feeling. And that feeling can be uncomfortable, that’s all right, staying with it will teach us.
One of my teachers uses the word rumination, it’s so appropriate. How much energy do I spend ruminating onto my past, onto what could be different if…
For myself, I am now trying to find more space. Creating space between the thought of having to find an explanation or a reason and the quick reaction of my mind spinning for it. It does not work all the time, but I am on it.